Good Intentions, but Whose?
I just received a message from an old college friend with whom I was part of the campus’ Christian group. He is preparing me for a call he’s going to make next Tuesday, asking for a donation to our college chapter now that he is employed by the fellowship and his salary comes from chapter funds.
He said one thing in his message that often bothers me about conversations I have with other Christians. He would like me to donate towards the chapter only if I feel like God wants me to give. So, if I’m not getting any message from God one way or another, I shouldn’t give, right? What if I want to give because an old friend is asking? If God really wanted me to give to the chapter, I wouldn’t even need an email from someone to propel me to do so, right?
I guess the part that bothers me boils down to this: why can’t I take credit for wanting to do something nice for a friend? Honestly, even when I was very heavily into the Christian life, I rarely did things against my will, just because I thought God wanted me to. Certainly a part of me would have to “agree with God” in order to do it. But that part of me still made the conscious decision, so why does some one else get the thanks? If I decide not to give, does that mean God told me not to or that I just didn’t listen?
This goes so much further than this one example. Historically, Christians give God the credit (or “glory”, if you will) for the great, wonderful things that happen to them. But then when bad things happen, it seems that the blame is always directed towards the sin or wrongdoing of the person. If the person gets the blame for bad things, shouldn’t they also get the credit for good things?
Lots of questions, I know. And I can’t say I’ll ever really know the answers, but I’m not content with the ones I’ve been given so far. So, I guess I’ll keep questioning until the answers are irrefutable and absolute.
Richard Call said,
October 8, 2008 @ 9:39 am
Interesting perspective….
I myself always question and refuse to this some “old man with a beard” has a plan for me or anyone. Nor are innocent children dying of starvation a plan. If so that old man in a beard is a total bastard and i don’t want to be a part of that.
Something out there controls the universe. But waht it is? I don’t know and everyone else dosen’t either. They are just afraid to either accept it or admit it because it scary.
Anyway I could go on forever…..
Marvin said,
October 12, 2008 @ 1:24 am
Ever since I’ve known you, this perspective of yours has challenged me. You are asking really fair and excellent questions. I don’t really know the answer either. I think I do have a different perspective about the whole free will thing, and I think it stems from the way I view myself and my ability to choose. You, I think, have amazing will power. I admire it. I am somewhat intimidated by it, truthfully. I can’t, at all, relate to it. You’ve overcome some things in your life that I feel sure I would not have been able to overcome in mine had I been faced with the same challenges.
There are, however, difficult choices that I have made in my life that I know were the right choices but they weren’t at all what I wanted to do. I do believe that, left to my own devices, I would have chosen the wrong thing, but there seemed to be, in those times, a higher power compelling me, almost driving me against my own will, to choose to do the right thing. I suppose I could have outright refused to comply, but it would have been like arguing with a 500 pound gorilla who was sitting on my chest. Of course, I make mistakes all the time. It’s as if I am being allowed to do so in order to learn from them, but there have been those times in my life when I was about to make a really big, life-altering mistake, and there was a divine intervention to pretty much prevent me from doing it. At least, that’s how I perceived it.
That said, I really relate to Richard’s comment in questioning the goodness of an “old man with a beard” who controls a universe that is so full of pain. I have the same questions. It makes me feel guilty for those spiritual experiences I’ve had that have yielded significant positive results in my life. I certainly don’t deserve those divine “blessings” anymore than anyone else.
Anyway, I enjoy your blog and appreciate your candid and thoughtful writing.